If you had already had a child when you and your current spouse got married, they may not get along well with each other. If this is the case and you are stuck in the middle, it can make you feel hopeless. Below are some things you can do to help your marriage, as well as help you child deal with this.
Counseling for You and Your Spouse
Ask the counselor what their stance is on marriage is. They should believe that every marriage has a chance of being repaired with some good counseling and effort from both spouses. This is especially important if you and your spouse are close to a divorce.
One thing the counselor may do is to separate you. He or she will then ask you questions about your spouse, such as their favorite color, what type of books they like to read, their favorite past time, etc. The counselor will then swap you and ask you the same questions. He or she will bring you together and tell you how you answered the questions. This shows you how much you actually know each other, and give the counselor a good starting point.
Communication is a very important part of marriage. If you do not communicate well, put sticky notes around your house and car reminding you to communicate. For example, you may put a sticky note in your car reminding you to ask your spouse how their day went. If you have problems communicating in the beginning, write letters to each other as a way to express your feelings.
Counseling for Your Child
Find a good counselor for your child to help them deal with their feelings. When looking for a counselor (like those at Sojourn Wellness Group), make sure they have worked with children that are your child's age. Once you find a counselor, your child should form a bond with them, or your child may not trust the counselor, and you should find another one.
The counselor should understand that they are only a temporary solution for your child. This means they should be open to hearing possible solutions from your child, as well as from you and your spouse.
They should also understand that your child's problems are a way for them to cope with their aggression or any other problems they may be having. For example, the aggression could be coming from a completely different place. If your ex-spouse has abandoned your child, they may put their feelings out on your spouse.
The counselor should be able to sit down and really listen to your child, and to not blame other people for their aggression. They should also not put all the blame on your child. He or she should see the problem as a whole instead of focusing on only one person in the family.
Good counseling can bring your family back together again, but you will have to have patience, as it will take some time.